When do you know He's The One?

I haven't shared the following with my mama, perhaps she'll read this and maintain the "no writing in the margins of my dairy" agreement, and not talk to me about this. I hope so. I can't say these things "out loud" yet.

I am having a hard time coping with The Man, or rather my feelings for him. I have known him for several months and have had a secret crush on him since nearly the beginning. I never thought anything would come of it, as I never imagined that I would be his type. I thought he would look at me as some stupid little girl, and not take anything seriously. (He is a bit older than me). So Saturday night after some cocktails, wine, port, and some more cocktails, LJ departed for the evening as The Man and I sat next to one another sipping our cocktails. I looked at him and just said it. “I have had the biggest crush on you for so long.” He grabbed me and kissed me.

Come Sunday morning I was sure that I had scared him off, and he would never speak to me again. He called Sunday afternoon, in response to a call that I had previously left thanking him again for dinner, and leaving him my phone number. The call was short and sweet. But that was it.

Dwelling isn’t good. I haven’t been able to eat (which is actually a nice change) or sleep. Thus the main reason that I went and hung out with TM last night, as I said, I had to get my mind off of The Man for a little while. That didn’t work exactly as I had anticipated.

I went to TM’s last night. Almost as soon as I get there, The Man calls me. I (obviously) don’t answer. He leaves a message, and then moments later calls right back. I am stressing… thinking that he’s calling to say, “Hey this entire thing is ridiculous. I just don’t think I’ll be able to make it over to your party on Tuesday etc.” By the second message I am thinking, “WTF”. TM tells me to check my messages, which I am anxiously awaiting to do anyway. So I go out to his deck and do so. The first message, “Hey it’s me”, [yes – he used the “It’s me” and I liked it!], “LJ told me that people are bringing apps to your shindig last night, so call and let me know what I should bring, see you then”.

Second message, “Okay, so that was my polite, ‘hi how are you’ message. I want to let you know that the other night was amazing. I want to get to know you better, I really felt something the other night. I want to go out next week on a date or something with friends and be with you. I have been thinking about you a lot. I am not going to blow this off. This is not inconsequential to me, maybe it is to you, but I don’t think so, but if it is that okay. I don’t do this often. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow night…”

OMG!!! He strictly did not adhere to the two/three day rule... and I am so stoked. So of course I am giddy, sitting on TM’s couch. Whom, btw, I had a really good time with, he’s a very cool guy. And TM started asking me about the age of the guys I date. And all this stuff, I wasn’t really honest with him, because it’s a little premature to say that The Man and I are dating, etc. Of course I feel a little bad about it, but I didn’t even kiss TM. I actually walked out of his apt. without giving him a hug, and he said something about it, and I felt dumb and went back and gave him one.

So I called The Man, at 11- def past his bed time, and said I was out with girlfriends from work and couldn’t grab my phone. (Which I am correcting tonight, I hate hate hate lying.) And told him that I was excited to see him tonight and very excited about his message… and the only appetizer he had to worry about bringing was himself.

How fucking stoked am I??????

BTW- I (always the optimist) hope not to be sharing tears with you about this anytime soon.