"Top 100 Reasons I Think I'm The Greatest"

…This is not…

Melancholy and hungover, I shall attempt to be interesting enough to hold your (and my) interest through 20.

Jacob gave me this idea… I’m unsure if I can think of 100 things about me… or rather if I will want to share them all once I get it written down.

Here it goes.


1. I hate it when people ask me my favorite color/food/band/song… I never have one answer. I LOVE THEM ALL.
2. Having fun is very important (maybe the most important thing) to me.
3. I like being nice to people.
4. I never used to be.
5. I was insecure.
6. I rarely go to see movies.
7. When I do I prefer to go by myself.
8. I’m never worried about being alone.
9. I often worry about being lonely.
10. I think if someone doesn’t know that I am making fun of them it doesn’t matter if I do.
11. Then I sometimes feel bad about it.
12. Sometimes.
13. I almost never judge anyone for their actions.
14. I hate it when people tell me they are “non-judgmental” because I think most of the time they are lying.
15. I can’t tell my right from my left. Or my left from my right. It can be frustrating at times.
16. I can never think of an interesting/ unusual place that I’ve had sex. (maybe because there isn’t one… which is odd because I can be a super slut at times)
17. I like being a super slut at times.
18. I over-think everything.
19. I know that I over dramatize situations at times… a lot of times.
20. I think it makes it more interesting.
21. I’m afraid no one will ever “get” me. (other than Le)
22. And I beginning to realize my sister does. (Thanks Beba.)
23. When I was 19 I prayed to God that he would kill my dad when he went in for a minor surgery because I knew my family would be happier without him.
24. God didn’t answer my prayer.
25. I’m glad he didn’t.
26. I have done almost every drug there is.
27. I almost killed my best friend, Ames, in Germany when I was 22… I shot her up with heroin (at her request).
28. I have never been so terrified in my life.
29. I didn't know she was horribly addicted, I thought it was fun and something new. I didn’t stop her and now I don’t know where she is anymore… maybe jail... maybe dead. (Like her boyfriend who got her into it.)
30. I have never wanted children.
31. A doctor told me last Christmas that maybe I couldn’t have children. I have never cried so hard or felt such a loss at any other time in my life.
32. The doctor later told me she made a mistake. Needless to say, I haven’t been back to her.
33. I can hold grudges for a very very long time.
34. I am one of the most loyal people I know.
35. I think if I ever got into a fight I could kick ass.
36. I’m not sure if I ever would want to actually find out though…
37. I sometimes wish I had me for a friend.
38. Then I wonder if I would like me.
39. I have had sex with two girls.
40. The first was a one night stand whose name I didn’t know. (My friends later told me.. Tatiana… hot, right?)
41. That’s the first time I have ever used anyone’s real name in my blog.
42. The second girl I didn’t want to have sex with, but I was worried I would hurt her feelings.
43. She later told me that she had fallen in love with me.
44. I was secretly glad that someone has…
45. I hate hate hate yelling. I think it’s a sign of ignorance.
46. I like cussing.
47. I like to entertain people with stories about me.
48. Sometimes I’ll do something I don’t want to because I think it will make for an interesting story later.
49. I think that stories hide the real me from them.
50. I have huge fears of physical abandonment.
51. When I was in high school my mom left me on a college campus, because she thought I had gone with my friends, and my friends thought I went with her. I had to wait in the Campus Security office for her for over an hour for her.
52. Being forgettable is frightening.
53. I cry while watching commercials/movies/tv very easily.
54. It takes a lot to make me cry in real life.
55. I hate that I mess up your/you’re and their/there/they’re… It’s completely annoying and is due purely to lack of forethought while writing.
56. I speak whatever is on my mind.
57. I never knew that people actually thought about what they said prior to it coming out of their mouth until high school.
58. I never knew I was smart until I was 19. I believed my dad, who said I was stupid.
59. This list is making me kinda depressed.
60. I REALLY DO LIKE TO HAVE FUN!
61. And laugh.
62. I always wished I was blessed with some talent. (drawing, musical… anything)
63. I like pooping. It makes me feel skinnier.
64. I can’t believe I just wrote that!
65. I had an affair with a friend of mine. The last time we hooked up was two days before his wedding. I took a shower afterwards and seriously thought about killing myself with the razor in my hand.
66. One of my favorite quotes ever was sent to me on a sticky note in my lunch in high school from my mama, “To be whole, a person must keep the shortest distance between their heart and their actions”.
67. I try to keep that distance much smaller now.
68. I tell people that I was 19 when I lost my virginity. I actually had sex one time when I was 16 with my high school boyfriend.
69. Having no experience I was still disappointed with the size of his penis.
70. I LOVE kissing people. (guys/ girls it doesn’t matter to me)
71. I like using the word “cunt”. I think it’s funny.
72. I never thought I had a gag reflex.
73. That is until I was giving The Man a blow job and he shoved it in hard, and I began to puke on his cock. We laughed. What else could we do?
74. My mom told me that she thinks she was black in a past life. She has pictures of black people hanging up in her house.
75. I wish I could wear my hair in a huge afro. I think that would be so cool. I tried it one time and I just had a tangled mess on top of my head.
76. I was the only white girl in an all black sorority before I moved to France.
77. Maybe my mom is right…
78. I think I was a gay man in a past life.
79. I watch too much TV.
80. If all information dispersed to me about life was up to my mother I would still not know what a period was or what sex is.
81. She should have told us and not been embarrassed… maybe my sister wouldn’t have had a baby at 17 years old.
82. I often stop people I don’t know on the street to give them a compliment.
83. I don’t think that people can hear enough good things about themselves.
84. I like being the best. At everything.
85. I hate that I can’t be the best. At everything.
86. Really fat people frighten me because I’m scared that some day I could be like them. I don’t mean to be mean… It’s just the truth.
87. I always wished my youngest sister was a boy.
88. I still do, I think it would have made her life easier.
89. I hate buying things online because I mostly shop for the instant gratification of it, and I am over whatever it is that I bought online by the time I get it.
90. After emailing back and forth yesterday morning, I asked TM if he was glad “in the light of day” that I didn’t come over to his house the night before or if he wished he would have woken up to me giving him a blow job. He hasn’t responded, he hasn’t returned texts, and he won’t answer his phone when I call.
91. I think I managed to scare yet another one off.
92. How do I do that so fucking easily? What is wrong with me?
93. I like drinking. Even if I’m by myself. It makes me feel good.
94. I am the queen of drunk dialing and drunk texting.
95. I almost never lie.
96. I have, however, said, “This is the first time I’ve done this before.” More than once… twice… oh my…
97. As much as I feel as though I am turning all the right boys off with all the wrong reasons, I still like me.
98. I talk a lot and share a lot so people think I’m an open book, but I still hide the biggest secrets.
99. Although I’m not scared of getting older, it kinda trips me out that I am going to be 30 in two months. I only have 60 something days left to be 20-something…
100. This felt good.