I Hate Cosmo.

Aofall- I swear to Buddha, if I didn’t get that Pumpkin ass off of my blog, I was seriously going to puke… Sorry for making you bear it… even worse? Check out the (inappropriate at work) website. I ass-ure you, you will consume nothing but exlax and water until prom.


Standing in line at the store tonight the cover of Cosmo screamed for my attention as “Our New Sex Position” caught my eye…

Really? Cosmo has conquered the pre-paved paths of “Kama Sutra” and “The Joy of Sex” to blaze its way to create… “The 77 – Designed to be as mind-blowing as that other naughty number”… fascinating. I immediately pulled the magazine from the rack and began thumbing to page 86.

Described as spooning with a “twist”… I’m sorry… but am I the only person on this planet that has done this before? As I wasn’t doing it alone, I can guarantee you I am not the only one out there. But here Cosmo claims “their” new position.

Not having gone shopping with anyone else, I looked at the guy in front of me in line in disbelief and said, “Can you believe this crap? They are trying to claim a new position, who hasn’t done this?” He looked at me silently and moved on, requesting a special “wide screen” version of the latest Star Wars movie… at Albertsons.

Okay maybe we haven’t all done “The 77”.

I read the remainder of the article at home. I had to actually purchase that in which I planned to chastise, as standing in line aghast at this sexual bullshit would have probably been more of a problem than when I told the woman in front of me in line on Saturday she was mad me only because she as “old and boring”… have another one OCG.

I went through the additional four “Hot Sex Trends Worth Trying”.

The second… “Try a top notch toy”... Umm Check.

“Give him a standing O-vation”… who hasn’t dropped to their knees in front of their man surprising him in the kitchen, dining room, garage… really anywhere… giving him an impromptu suck-off as he leans against the closest object? Check.

“Fulfill a Phone Fantasy”. Ha.Ha, Check.

“Work the new Lube Job”. Sensual massaging with various condom friendly-lubes … well who hasn’t done this? Check. Their description of the ‘technique’ you would use on him really isn’t too bad sounding… however I do hope that if anyone in the room is going to be “fired up, spanked and flipped over” it will be me. Just sayin’.

Ladies and gentlemen, haven’t we all experienced these “Hot Sex Trends” on one level or another? Am I the only one? It truly baffles me… then again… I did buy their mag, seemingly in support. Damn it.