In the whole wide world…*

* That is today’s words of the day, boys and girls… whenever you hear someone say “in the whole wide world” you must throw up your arms and scream.

When I was in high school I was a bit of a ring leader. By my senior year I wasn’t allowed in any class that had a substitute teacher. It’s not that I was a bad kid, but I would just get the class riled up and things would go down hill, getting out of control for the teacher and causing my prompt removal from the class.

My sophomore year in Spanish class we had this substitute teacher who (to this day I still swear) was mildly retarded. I am not being mean, it’s true… he was known throughout our district and beyond as “that retarded substitute Spanish teacher guy”.

Sitting in Spanish class with him at the chalk board he look at me and said, “you are a cotorra, a chatterbox”. On the the board he slowly spelled out the word, while I turned to class and told them that this was our word for the day, whenever we heard it we had to throw our arms up and scream. Everyone laughed and agreed.

I looked to the instructor and asked him, “How do you pronounce that word again?”

“co-to-rrrr-a”

The class erupted, extended arms waving in the air and loud “ahhhhhhh” screams filled the classroom.

I then had one of the swiftest removals from a classroom I had ever experienced in my high school career. Really, one of the swiftest removals from a classroom in the whole wide world…

Since then I have mellowed out some and now try to only use my power of influence for good, and not evil purposes… and in turn karma has rewarded me.

Sunday I went grocery shopping, which is a very odd thing around my house. I actually took a couple pictures this last weekend that I was going to post (perhaps later). The first was of our liquor cabinet. It is so overflowing with alcohol that we have had to expand it to be more of a liquor closet. Our refrigerator is almost an extension of said closet. In it we have wine, champagne, beer and virtually any mixer you can think of. But no food. (Condiments, but I am unsure that they actually constitute "food".) So I made the brave decision to purchase food on Sunday. I am still working on my domestic goddess membership.

I went to the store and grabbed the important things; logs for the fire, water and sugar snap peas (I am currently addicted to sugar snap peas, can’t get enough). DaBod called while I was in the checkout line and decided that would be a good time to argue why I was leaving So Cal, and discuss the merit of him not only returning to Portland, but us living together. I told him I would call him in just a few. As I left the store, pushing my shopping cart I called him and told him that hell frozen over would still not make us living together a good idea, actually it was the worst idea in the whole wide world. I returned my shopping cart to its corral and left, still on my mobile.

Yesterday morning I went into my handbag and realized that my wallet was not there. I change my hand bags almost daily, and it wouldn’t be the first time that I had left something behind in the previous bag, so I didn’t think anything of it. Until last night when I got home and realized I could find it no where. I searched my bedroom (cursing myself for not cleaning it this weekend when I had the chance), went to my car searching the trunk and seats… and came to the firm conclusion that I did not have my wallet.

In addition to the irritation that losing one’s wallet can create, I had about $500 in cash in it (I know, I know, bad idea). The last place I remembered having it was at the checkout stand. EB suggested I call the store, so I did. On hold the song “all I need is a miracle” was playing while I waited to find out if indeed they did have my wallet. The manager came back, they had the wallet. Miracle indeed.

I promptly went to the store - post shower. (I wanted to look my best when trying to get my wallet. In addition my drivers license picture shows me with blond braids, now I have a nearly black coif and couldnt find any other ID to bring with me.) I picked up my wallet (blaming losing it on the distraction of Dabod). All cards and cash were in place… that was the best news in the whole wide world.

I guess that three wallets in as many weeks had been turned in… the last had $6000 cash in it… all in place when the owner came to reclaim it. God bless honest people… and Laguna Beach… definitely Laguna Beach… only the best place in the whole wide world.