Girlfriend?

I need to start blogging more than once a week as I have too much to say when I get around to it, and I worry it ends up being a cluster-fuck of info. Yet here I go…

Da Bod called me yesterday. It seems as though he and Lalo are hitting it off superbly. I was told to expect a “set the date” wedding invite in the mail within a few months time.

I am fine (ish) with this… I know I definitely don’t want him, and if he makes her happy, then grand. It’s still really fucking weird to me though.

I have talked with EB a few times in the last week, which has been wonderful to me. I was however asked by one friend “Do you love him enough to let him go?” and reminded by a male friend of mine, that when I call or email him to tell him that he is on my mind and that I love him, I am actually hurting him more than helping him as I don’t want to get back together.

This is tough. I do love him. I do think of him all of the time. Do I love him enough to let him go? I don’t know. I am too selfish. I can’t imagine my life without him. Time will have to tell. I just don’t want to be without him.

I was out with The Boy last night. He introduced me to a friend of his that we ran into as his “girlfriend, OCG”. I nearly shat myself. Twenty-two-year-old-boy summer fling? Shore. Boyfriend/ Girlfriend relationship? Slow the fuck down. I need to figure out how to handle this delicately.

I was teasing The Boy the other night after we had been drinking “You loooove me.” He just smiled and changed the subject. Last night just after we… you know… I mentioned “I love… [insert some sexual reference here]” He responded “I love you too… I mean that too.” Have I already gotten in over my head on this one?

Just about a year ago I was dating The Man, the vice-president of an international corporation. I lived in a penthouse in Laguna Beach and looked out on to the ocean all day long. Now I am dating (I guess that’s what I should call it?) a twenty-two year old bartender, with no aspirations in life of being more than that. I live at my mom’s house and go to school.

What the fuck is wrong with this picture?

For real, yo.