It’s the Hugest I’ve Ever Seen

After a bust on Wednesday night, I couldn’t wait until Saturday night. I went down to Beach Chic’s stomping ground, totally stoked that I was going to see Mr. Wonderful.

Beach Chic and some other girls and I met up at the Mexi restaurant, took a couple of shots and walked to Mr. Wonderful’s house to pick him and some friends up before we went to the next bar. I walked into his house passing his bedroom, where he happened to be changing. Oh. My. God. I knew he was hot, but you have got to be joking me. Gorgeous, gorgeous body. I went in and sat on his bed and asked him what side he slept on. I needed to know for later on.

It was on.

We went to the first bar and the girls and I became restless. I hate feeling the clamminess of other people’s sweat in the air. So we left, leaving Mr. Wonderful and his friends behind. They felt like having a more stationary evening than us. The girls and I went bar to bar (about six) until we reached our final destination. By this time we had all had a couple of cocktails, life was grand, and Beach Chic had decided on the T-Shirt she had to have, “I’m So Perfect I’m Jealous of Myself”.

(Side note: Bone we can not stop joking with one another about "When is the last time I ate corn?" Our common line for the entire weekend)

We went into the bar and ran into Crazy and her boyfriend. A couple more shots went around, and Beach Chic decided that she had enough for the night and needed to go home (Whaaa?). I told her Mr. Wonderful was meeting me down there, and I wasn’t going to ‘take one for the team’ twice in one week…esp after the crappy Friday night I had experienced.

Beach Chic left, and I got stuck talking to this random guy for far too long about relationships. He kept asking me who in the bar I wanted, and after I told him the person I wanted wasn’t there yet, he kept this stupid ‘relationship’ talk up for nearly an hour. My girls had all departed, Crazy was giving her boyfriend a lap dance, and there I had to sit tolerating a meaningless conversation with some guy who felt the need to give me life advice. Arg.

Mr. Wonderful called and said he was going to come down. Yes. Then my phone rang and I saw it was TM. He called and knew what bar I was at (which is weird, I had never hung out down there with him). He said which bar he was at (oddly the same one that Mr. Wonderful was at) and that he was going to come down and see me. The juggling begins.

While waiting for them I got a text from the guy, R, that I had a crush on a couple months ago, who said he was on his way down to see me. The juggling continues... but I have never been able to juggle.

I called Mr. wonderful and told him I was just going to meet him at his house later. I texted TM and said I thought I was just going to leave, and told R to come pick me up.

R picked me up, we went to another bar, had a couple drinks, and I decided to share with him that I had had a crush on him. OCG, be quiet! We enjoyed our cocktails and on our way out saw some people that R knew, and whom I had met a couple times. This girl asked me if my boobs were real, and I told her that indeed they were. So one of the guys in the group asked if he could touch them, why not? So there I stood in the middle of the bar getting felt up by a guy (whom I later found out) had just broken up with a girl I know. (Beach Chic told her on Sunday about the ‘feel up’… great.)

R and I left, and I asked him to drop me off over at my friends house. I pulled up with R to Mr. Wonderful’s where he sat outside with a friend awaiting my arrival. R (the ever gentleman) walked around and let me out of the car and said, “Are you sure you’ll be okay here?” Oh, yes… yes I will. I assured him I was fine, and these were cool guys. We hugged good bye, he drove off, and I sat next to Mr. Wonderful.

Some girl showed up on a bike at about 3am, put on her bikini, and it was decided that we needed to go play in the ocean. Okay, let’s be honest. I was cold, and I really didn’t want to go frolic in he water… but I wanted even less to be that girl, so in the water we went.

When we returned home Mr. Wonderful decided that we needed a shower. I stood under the hot water running over me as he lathered up my body. Kissing and touching with water pouring over us, I couldn’t think of anything else I’d rather be doing. Then we moved into his bedroom. I swear to god, I have never seen anything of this size before… I looked at it, and said, “You have the biggest cock I have EVER seen!” He laughed. I just looked at it, really wondering what I was supposed to do with it.

I figured it out.

(Disclaimer – I didn’t do that with him… I still wouldn’t be able to walk.)

Sunday Funday began with me texting my 20 closest friends about the hugest cock that has ever existed while at brunch (read: Mimosa’s) with LJ. I actually only had one mimosa… I needed a break. I went home and took a much, much needed nap. One of my girlfriends stopped by and we went and had a couple of beers while catching up after having not seeing her for about a month.

I went home… settled down, and began watching Extreme Home Makeover… the one show that I watch 30 seconds of and begin crying… simply pathetic.

Beach Chic called me and told me that I needed to go out with her. I reminded her that I have a job that I have to go to on Monday mornings, and I need to go one week not hungover. She said, “What are you, 30 years old or something?” Ha fucking ha.

She then told me that R was going to meet her out, and I changed my mind… at 9pm last night I left the house and started an evening of fun all over again. About half a dozen friends including R and Mr. Wonderful came out, as I looked around the packed bar I thought, “Does anyone work anymore?” Maybe I am getting old.

I retired just after midnight, taking a cab back to Beach Chic’s house. I awoke about an hour later with my phone ringing. I grabbed it and I heard, “Oh that was me calling you.” I sat up on the couch, and sitting on the chair just near my head was R. I was half out of it and exhausted. R told me he was going to go sleep in the other room a couple of times and then went to the other room. I’m still not sure if he was trying to get me to follow him, but I immediately fell asleep again.

I awoke this morning wishing, yet again, we had three day weekends every week. I need a day to recover from my weekends.