Just another day in paradise...

"Erections, Ejaculation, Exhibitions, and General Tales of Ordinary Madness" -Charles Bukowski

Wednesday, October 19, 2005


Last Thursday night I was cleaning the house and going through my accumulated stack of papers that I haven't deemed important (no bills, etc.), and have put off going through for quite a bit.

During the process I found a notice (very important) regarding a speeding ticket I got on my way to Palm Springs in April that I had completely forgotten about, and now I have this huge fine, and now maybe my license is on hold, blah blah blah. I assumed I would just take care of it this week.

Saturday morning I went to get coffee from my favorite Angry Frenchman… as my weekend guest still slept, in bed, at my house. Pulling back through town I ended up at the light at Main Beach next to a police car.

I always hate being by police cars, and now I had my license thing in my mind so I was just stoked to get away from him. We both departed from the light, he in his left lane and me in my right. I diligently obeyed the speed limit…

He proceeded to drop behind my car, yet in his lane. Mind you the speed limit still is only 30 mph, so he is really going slowly to do this. A couple of blocks later he pulls into the right lane behind my car.

I decide I don't like it (wondering if he can track my driver’s license info through my license plate). I pull into the left lane, and he follows me. So I decide to get off of PCH and turn left at the next corner, taking side streets home instead. He follows me, and flips his lights on.


I pulled over... completely not knowing why I am being stopped. He comes up to my window, while I (as sweet as cherry pie) say, "Good morning! What’s going on?" He then tells me my registration on my car is expired. I asked him if he was sure. He says yes, it expired in MAY!

(WTF? I just got the car in January.) He then says, "
I'm sure you have the stickers at home, right?"

I follow his (seeming) lead, and agree that I must have them some place. (
I do not think these words "unimportant mail” mean what you think it means.) He then asks for my registration and insurance proof in the vehicle.

Neither. Are. There. I have no idea where or why I took them out... (but I do take note that my CD's and window squeegee are fitting far more comfortably in my glove box without all that paper crap in the way)...

He then looks at me and says, "Well just give me your license and I will be right back."

Shore. Here. You. Go.

He went to his car while I sat there thinking I am going to be arrested. Weekend Boy in bed. My one phone call will be to LaLo... and SB will answer the phone saying, "OCG I told you no calling before 10am!" and promptly hang up on me.

So I call my mom. "Mama I think I might be arrested."

I look in my rear view and see that he is now on his walkie-talkie. I explain the sitch to my mama, (I'm sure she's shaking her head at me at this point) and we talk for a couple of minutes as the officer comes back up to my car. Playing the role of the sweet-innocent-best-daughter-ever as he walks up to my window as I say, "Okay Mama, I'll have to call you back!"

The police officer looks at me for a second, looks at my license as he leans his arm against my window pane (is it still called that on cars?) and said, "Well everything on your car checked out fine. Make sure you put those stickers on when you get home." (Note to self: find out how to obtain said stickers...)

He looked at my license again (worst picture ever, btw... scarf over blond braids with no make-up... gorgeous) and said, "Yep, everything checked out. You have a nice day."


"You have a fabulous day too! Thank you so much for letting me know about my stickers, I'll get them taken care of right away!" I took off (carefully) before he could change his mind.

Expired registration, no proof of registration, no proof of insurance, and license on hold. And he let me go.

That never happens to me... I was sooo lucky.

Thats my five-oh story... I'd blog it, but I'd sound like a stupid irresponsible girl.

Oh wait... shit...


  • At 10/20/2005 05:50:00 AM, Blogger Wombat & Aspen said…

    Like California's finest had any chance against the charms of the OCG.

    Honestly, had you been of age during the Cold War, you should have been a spy....those KGB bruts would have been fetching you double-short lattes and spilling every state secret they knew, just to gain your approving eye.

    You would have been the USA's greatest weapon against tyranny. CHiPs? They weren't game to take you on.


  • At 10/20/2005 08:35:00 AM, Blogger Dirk the Feeble said…

    Geez, I get handcuffed and carted away just because I called the officer a pig-fucker - tiny little infraction - and you get away with THAT?

  • At 10/20/2005 11:38:00 AM, Blogger Joe said…


    You're graphic at the top today is my favorite [written] insult of all time.

  • At 10/20/2005 01:19:00 PM, Anonymous melanie said…

    Wow, you must be really hot.

  • At 10/20/2005 02:40:00 PM, Blogger AJ Gentile said…

    I am not the only one who thought that this story was going to turn into a porno, am I?

    "And then he said, 'Step out of the car ma'am'. And he threw me against the car and frisked me. He frisked me here. He frisked me there. He frisked me EVERYwhere. All the while I felt his nightstick poking me in the back. Then I turned around and realized, he didn't have a nightst-- oh, yeah. Read me my rights, Poncho. Now take me DOWNTOWN..."

    Cue music: "bow chicka bow bow. Chicka chicka bow bow..."

  • At 10/21/2005 04:46:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    AJ, who are you? You're freakin hilarious.

    Hot Momma

  • At 10/24/2005 01:05:00 PM, Blogger appsdshell said…


    Reading this was like DeJaVu only I had a MUCH MUCH worse ending, where my car was impounded, drivers licence was suspended, over $700 in fines, etc. I'll search my blog and find the story for you.

    Some advise, (from experience) Go to court ASAP, and make sure to get an ABSTRACT from the court to take to the DMV to get your license back. The court didn't think it was important to give me this piece of information because I guess It's MY responsibility to know this, and they don't have to tell me, so after you appear in court, go the court clerks window and ask for an ABSTRACT and take it immediately to the DMV.

    The court can tell the DMV that you didn't show up, but they don't take the time to let the DMV when you appear. Nice eh?


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