Unemployed and Proud of it
Ok, so I am kind of freaking out right now. I don’t think that the reality that I am leaving had hit me too much recently… even sleeping atop an air mattress on my bedroom floor (since the movers came last weekend) hasn’t made the impact that I thought it would. Even this morning when I awoke my first thought (somehow intertwined with Boys II Men’s Cooleyhigh Harmony) was, “I am going to be with him in a week” not “Oh my God, it’s my last day here.”
Then as I drove to work I passed the local movie theatre and saw a film was going to be playing this weekend that I had some interest in seeing. I then realized I will not be here to see it. My stomach dropped. Everything that I haven’t had the chance to do, to see, or to experience came flooding to me. I haven’t had the chance to tell the Coffee Nazi that I am moving, as I haven’t seen him since I gave up coffee. I passed my Woo-Hoo spot for the last time on my way to work.
If I had a definite plan, perhaps I wouldn’t be so nervous… but now I am beginning to doubt every one of these decisions leading to this move. Have I made the right choice to leave? Did I really want to move away from one of the most beautiful places ever? I suppose I have made the right choice... as I feel a peace about leaving… it’s just the uncertainty of the future that has me… freaking out.
My mother told me years ago that I was the daughter she was going to always need to have a spare room for, as no one ever knows when I am coming or going. I was thinking about this comment this morning and realized that I might know least of everyone where I am going. To be honest with you I don’t even know which state I will be living in, in the upcoming months. But that’s a can of worms I can’t bear to think about at this point…
Time to look at this one day at a time… and today I shall focus on last moments spent with friends… my “last supper” at my favorite local Mexican restaurant… then on tomorrow’s beautiful drive and meeting new friends…
A fresh start to this life already in motion… even if I am not sure where this part really ends and the new begins… I guess that’s the joy of life… (hopefully) the new will always be here… new experiences… new adventures… new future paths… a new comfort zone… new unemployment… ahhh yes, the joy
Then as I drove to work I passed the local movie theatre and saw a film was going to be playing this weekend that I had some interest in seeing. I then realized I will not be here to see it. My stomach dropped. Everything that I haven’t had the chance to do, to see, or to experience came flooding to me. I haven’t had the chance to tell the Coffee Nazi that I am moving, as I haven’t seen him since I gave up coffee. I passed my Woo-Hoo spot for the last time on my way to work.
If I had a definite plan, perhaps I wouldn’t be so nervous… but now I am beginning to doubt every one of these decisions leading to this move. Have I made the right choice to leave? Did I really want to move away from one of the most beautiful places ever? I suppose I have made the right choice... as I feel a peace about leaving… it’s just the uncertainty of the future that has me… freaking out.
My mother told me years ago that I was the daughter she was going to always need to have a spare room for, as no one ever knows when I am coming or going. I was thinking about this comment this morning and realized that I might know least of everyone where I am going. To be honest with you I don’t even know which state I will be living in, in the upcoming months. But that’s a can of worms I can’t bear to think about at this point…
Time to look at this one day at a time… and today I shall focus on last moments spent with friends… my “last supper” at my favorite local Mexican restaurant… then on tomorrow’s beautiful drive and meeting new friends…
A fresh start to this life already in motion… even if I am not sure where this part really ends and the new begins… I guess that’s the joy of life… (hopefully) the new will always be here… new experiences… new adventures… new future paths… a new comfort zone… new unemployment… ahhh yes, the joy
posted by hannahhas @ Thursday, April 27, 2006
6 Comments:
At 4/28/2006 10:20:00 AM,
Lizzie said…
I can totally understand why you're freaking out but these are the truly awesome moments in life - when you have butterflies in your stomach and wonder if you've made a mistake and have no idea what the future holds. The way I see it, if you're not questioning yourself and not a little bit nervous, then you're complacent and doing something wrong. It takes guts to do what you're doing. I know I said it before, but I am so excited for you!
At 4/28/2006 11:18:00 AM,
20-Questions said…
I felt the same when I moved to Europe, I didn't sleep for a week trying to get all the things I had neglected to do, done. It was awful but exciting at the same time.
This is so exciting for you, and I'm very happy for you. And since I'm so fond of quotes I found this for you:
"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."
-Arnold Bennett
"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see."
-John Burroughs
Have fun on your road trip, keep us posted ;)
At 4/28/2006 12:21:00 PM,
Sizzle said…
i see only great things, even if you trip on the way, you will be better than ok.
and i can't wait to meet you and give you a big hug!
:) sizz
At 4/28/2006 01:50:00 PM,
Nihilistic said…
I REALLY enjoyed the year I took off work! I mean I really really enjoyed it!
At 4/28/2006 08:22:00 PM,
Bone said…
Enjoy the drive up the coast. That's something a lot of people will never get to do.
Have a safe trip.
At 4/29/2006 04:55:00 PM,
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said…
Good luck, and "may your first child be a masculine child."
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