Just another day in paradise...

"Erections, Ejaculation, Exhibitions, and General Tales of Ordinary Madness" -Charles Bukowski

Thursday, June 29, 2006

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Find out what it means to me.

You know when you get to that point in your life you have much to say, but can’t seem to get it all out? Yep, that’s me right about now.

I started school Monday, in the midst of a hot spell… I loved the 100+ degree weather… it was soothing to my soul and reminded me of better days cruising through Palm Springs. But, alas, I was instead sitting unfocused in various Business Ethics [insert oxymoron joke here] and Black Studies classes.

As much reading as I have to accomplish, and the fact that my Business class already had an exam (yes, in the second class of the term, gorgeous I tell you), really school isn’t the biggest concern on my mind this last week.

I received a phone call at 3am Sunday morning while I was writing my “woe is me” post. I didn’t initially hear the phone ring, but when seeing it was Da Bod I decided to call him back.

I hadn’t spoken with Da Bod since I left Laguna Beach. At my “going away” he went down to have a smoke with Lalo and didn’t return to my apartment for the remainder of the night. One of my last nights in town, he didn’t say good-bye to me and slept with my “best friend”.

The guy that 18 months ago I was convinced I was going to have a future with… and my “best friend” fucked him. I was pissed. It’s not like this was a surprising reaction either. The last two male friends of mine I had brought around her, she ended up hooking up with. I would normally not mind, but she did this without even discussing any of it with me. I told her (both times) I just needed communication about these things, and to not be surprised about them.

Regardless of how personal you like to keep your life, if you begin talking, emailing, corresponding, dating, sleeping or just sucking the cock of anyone that you might have met through me, you better fucking give me a heads up about it, prior to it happening.

I require loyalty from my friends. I will be true-blue loyal to you until the end if you pay me that courtesy in return. I will lie by your hospital bed side for weeks. I sat with Lalo for weeks that became months through tears and anger while she got over her ex. That is what a friend does.

Da Bod has made several comments over the last year about how I needed to introduce him to one of my girlfriends after he followed me to SoCal. I never would, and I told him that I wouldn’t. I explained to him that none of my friends would hook-up with him anyway, no friend of mine would. That’s what friends do. Exes are completely off-limits.

So I called Da Bod back in the wee hours of Sunday morning. He was laughing and said that he was just hanging out at Lalo’s (“Yep, we’re hanging out, surprise!”). I told him I had to go and immediately got off the phone. I was sick to my stomach. I have no desire to be with Da Bod ever again, however I don’t want my friends fucking him. I don’t think that is too much to ask.

Monday I [*gasp*] left my phone over at JP’s. It was too late to return and get it, and as I had school near her Tuesday morning I figured I would just go and pick it up then. JP called me that night and said that Da Bod had called. She was pissed about the situation between him and Lalo and said that she wanted to text him back “lose my phone number”. I thought it funny and told her to go ahead.

She didn’t answer my phone for the remainder of the night, even though he called countless times before she turned it off. I had seven voicemail messages and a couple text messages when I retrieved my phone the following afternoon. Lying out by the pool JP and I listened to the messages that rapidly downward spiraled from “What the fuck was that about, I am going to call you until you answer” and “We don’t understand why you are acting this way” [they are a “we” already?] to “If you are in bed and that’s why you are not answering your phone, then fine… but if you know I am calling and you are ignoring me, then you are being fucking stupid and fuck you.” The joys of prescription pill popping and drinking… the insanity that I don’t miss, at all.

One of the last messages he left me was left late Tuesday morning. “I woke up on the toilet after passing out there for three hours, and Lalo was passed out sitting upright on her couch. Isn’t that funny?” Nothing reminds me more that I am over him than hearing that he, while 30, is still blowing up his Monday nights trying to relive the college days he never finished. (I can talk down about not finishing college since I have been in school for a solid three days now.)

Last night around midnight he sent a text to me, while I was trying to prepare for my morning exam, “I have talked to my family and they are very disappointed in you, as am I”.

I finally called him for the first time this morning. I was shaking as I left a message telling him that he needed mental help with his drug induced state, but I never even had my phone the other evening as he left the abundance of crazy messages.

He called me back and said that he should have assumed that I didn’t have my phone as I would have wanted to get this misunderstanding resolved immediately. I called him back and left a lengthy message about how pissed I actually was about him and Lalo hanging out, but they actually deserve one another if this is going to be their behavior. I added that I had no desire to rekindle this friendship and that it was over. Good-bye. I know I added some extraordinarily mature “fuck yous” and the like in the message, but I decided I could no longer have people that treated my heart so flippantly in my life.

So today I said good bye to Da Bod, who has been in my life for the last six years, and Lalo who had been a fun friend this last year. It’s just not worth it. I am loyal, but I am also not willing to be lenient with things important to me… such as basic respect. Is it really that difficult to comprehend?

11 Comments:

  • At 6/29/2006 08:40:00 AM, Blogger Sizzle said…

    i have been asking myself the very same question! it shouldn't be that difficult to comprehend and yet, so many people don't. i am proud of you for choosing YOU in this situation. you deserve to get back what you put out.

    sometimes the universe cleans up our relationship house for us. ;) (and THAT is my last santa cruzy kind of comment ever).

    xoxo
    sizz

     
  • At 6/29/2006 12:48:00 PM, Anonymous meanie said…

    Isn't it amazing that people don't have the ability to see outside of themselves. I always say to my friends, "do you really honestly believe that you are going to spend the rest of your life with this person?" if not, then why would you destroy friendships that have taken years to form? friendships that actually have the capability of lasting the rest of your life. Who needs 'em. At least this way you won't miss Laguna quite as much.

     
  • At 6/29/2006 01:24:00 PM, Blogger Miahart said…

    i really hope you are not talking to this lalo, so called friend. complete and utter disrespect. as for da bod, not too unusual being that guys are dirty bastards, pigs, all of the above, no matter how you look at it. (except mine) would you agree with the statement that 90% of the girls that are from California have such behavior, moral, value issues? just my philosophy.

    good thing you moved!

     
  • At 6/29/2006 01:46:00 PM, Blogger EB72 said…

    Way to go OCG! I'm with ms. sizzle on choosing yourself.

    miahart: as a native Californian, your comment offended me. At first. Then on further thought, I think you might be right.
    I'll consider myself in the 10% though ;-)


    And OCG - I say good riddance to Lalo. She couldn't have been a real friend anyway because aofall [to steal an OCG phrase]) a real friend would never have done this, especially without discussing with you first, and b)we didn't hear of any calls of apology from her did we? Ony DaBod. Hmmmm.

     
  • At 6/29/2006 02:26:00 PM, Blogger Michael said…

    I hear that. I can count the number of real friends that I have on one hand. The main reason for this is basically what you talked about, people just aren't loyal anymore. I, on the other hand, am loyal to a fault. However, if someone really shafts me, it's open season. :)

     
  • At 6/29/2006 09:12:00 PM, Blogger 20-Questions said…

    I'd rather had a couple of true friends than a whole room of buddies. Good on ya, I would have done the same. And anyone who sleep with a firends ex does not deserve your time. I would never talk to any of my girl friends if they did that. You're right Exes = NO TOUCHY!!!

    ;)

     
  • At 6/30/2006 12:12:00 PM, Blogger m a k i l a said…

    I have a lot of not-close friends and really no best friend(s) because I don't want to get hurt. My former best friend is still a friend but she's gotten more self-centered and superficial as she's gotten older and I can't take it (good thing she lives on the westside). Plus, she's the one who started dating my ex and almost married him until she realized what a loser he was (duh! there's a reason he was my ex).

    I can't believe your friends did that to you but then again I can because people can really suck (and not in a good way). You deserve better and I'm glad you stood up for yourself!!!

     
  • At 6/30/2006 10:43:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    wow, if thats how it went down thats completely fucked up and inexcusable...and everyone who lives in blogger world should really not be quick to judge

    wtf is really happening here??

     
  • At 7/01/2006 09:49:00 PM, Blogger Viewfinder said…

    good for you. don't trouble with people who don't understand the responsibility that comes with friendship.

     
  • At 7/03/2006 10:27:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said…

    We reach a point in our lives where we're too damn old to put up with bad friends. We have to make cuts.

     
  • At 7/04/2006 11:21:00 AM, Anonymous circe said…

    Oh sweetie, I totally understand your hurt and dismay at their callous disregard for your feelings.!! (GD bastid!) And loyalty is very important in friends/lovers..

    Take the high road, ignore them, move on and savor in the reality that what goes around comes around and somehow, someway, they WILL pay for this. :)

    You are too good for them anyway. Begone scoundrels!

     

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