No, it really IS you…

I have broken up with two girls in the last week. No, I’m not some trim chasing carpet-muncher (not that there is anything wrong with that). I am a friend to my boys in need… I have also very poorly broken up with one guy… not such a friend to him… but another story for another day. (Lizzie watch out, you will have a new admirer soon…)

This is the thing I do not get when breaking up with chicks. Why do girls hold on? For what reason do women feel the need to clasp on, call, text, and email and pretty much be a pain in the ass to he-who-is-trying-to leave her.

When The Man, sent me his very-caring, well thought out, watching the feelings of the girl he was planning (so he said) to marry… email… I emailed once one week later and called once one week following. I never pursued it again, regardless of how much I wanted my liquid latex and toiletries back. They can all be purchased. Dignity can not.

I do not understand why some chicks (yes shore… I am sure there are some guys as well, that) are unable to grasp the concept that sometimes “it really IS you” YOU are the reason that this relationship isn’t working. I know this sounds harsh, but please hear me out.

In any relationship with me that he (whomever “he” may be) realizes isn’t working out I would like him to tell me. Be honest, up front, and I shall pretty much walk away. Looking at it from the other side? There is NO way I want to tell him (whomever “he” may be) that it is him. Who wants to know that they are the dynamic that is causing this not to work?

Shore, we wish it was all as easy as the pop-out-when-done red button found on our thanksgiving dinner when finding our perfect connection, but it’s not. It’s life. We all won’t nor could we all perfectly connect.

I think when a woman has a relationship ended with him, she loses not just the relationship, but more of the idea of what-could-have-been. Women have such a tendency to live in the place where they see this going that they lose the sight of the day-to-day of what this is. Women can place so much importance to the hyperbole in their head, not only do they lose sight of the reality of the situation, they lose sight of the true relationship itself.

So he sees/ speaks with/ emails her. It is over. This isn’t working out. He “needs his space”. (WOMEN: “Needs his space” is a no-balls way of saying he is DONE). So she sits/ cries/ dwells (this is normal we ALL do). She discusses it with her friends, they assure her that she was “too good for him anyway”. This is the point when you are afforded, one or two phone calls or emails, no less than one week apart.

While speaking today about the woman broken up with, my friend asked me, why doesn’t she think “You know, I get the feeling that he doesn't want to see me. I'll err on the side of not making a fool of myself, and make the assumption that he doesn't. If I'm wrong, he'll get back to me.” Please listen: If he does not contact you, you should NOT contact him. Save face. Do not give him reason to call you his “crazy” ex… do not call him, he’ll call you.

DO NOT EXPECT CLOSURE. A woman thinks that closure makes her feel better, have relief or gives a reason for why he did, what he did. This is not the case. Closure was the final conversation/ contact that he had with you. Anything beyond that and you are merely trying to rationalize what you are feeling, and most likely trying to negotiate the decision that he has made. It was his decision, do not try and change it. Ninety-Nine percent of the time if you got back together, you will end up broken hearted sometime in the near future.

Now, on the flip side, men need to not drag her along. Cut. It. Off. When you realize this isn’t working, tell her and leave it at that. Don’t do the yo-yo game with her of contacting her… every time you do you give her hope… regardless of your words (spoken or written/ typed). She will look to your actions, not your words, as the prevailing factor and think that you are willing to hear her plea or that you want her back.

There is no easy way to hurt someone’s feelings. This is obvious. And any true relationship can not be ended with out one of the party getting hurt. But as there could be no easy way, why not try your best to grasp what it is and move along…